Above are my 2 allowed checked pieces of luggage plus one carry-on. The hiking pack weighs about 30 pounds and the duffel weighs about 40 pounds (at least they did the last time I weighed them which was 2 weeks ago & I've been shoving more stuff in...). The carry-on does not look heavy in the picture, but it has 2 toiletry bags, my laptop, electronic stuff, a book, and changes of clothes in there. I didn't weigh it - it's heavy!Other questions... Am I nervous? Not really. I'm tired of living in between worlds. My old life has moved on without me and I haven't moved on yet. I've given up my job, family, friends, Newton, car, etc. & I'm still here! So, I'm not really nervous, but more anxious to get going. I'd probably be more nervous if I let myself think about it too much, so I just don't.
Am I scared? Yes & No. The unknown is always a little scary, but being the unknown I can plead ignorance, so I'm not really, that scared - yet!
Am I fluent in Swahili? NO.
Did I get all of my vaccinations? NO (none actually - that starts Tues. morning. Vaccination clinic anyone?).
What age/math will I be teaching? NO CLUE
Am I going with other PCV who'll be in TZ? YES (all 28 of us will be teaching math/science/IT in TZ & will be together on & off for the first 3 months)
Did I register for my absentee ballot? YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, etc. (one "yes" for each person that's asked me that, plus a few extra for my brother who seems to be getting early onset dementia & has asked me several times!)
So, after all of these questions of "Are you..." I guess, if I had to fill in the blank with "I am...", it'd be that I am hopeful. I hope I'm not the oldest one in the group. I hope I don't get sick from the shots. I hope I can wear my contacts. I hope I can adjust quickly to the heat. I hope I learn to speak Swahili fast. I hope I am as good of a teacher in TZ as other people tell me I am at home. I hope I can make it the entire 2 years. I hope my buddy doesn't forget me & forgives me. I hope everyone who has said they'll write to me does. I hope I love it there so much that I won't want to leave (don't worry, I'll come home!). I hope I find the change I was looking for. I hope people come to visit me. I hope I'm not saying "what did I get myself into?" as soon as I get there.
The end of my favorite movie of all times, The Shawshank Redemption, sums it up just about perfectly (except substitute "Indian" for "Pacific"):
"I find I'm so excited I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel; A free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as beautiful as it has been in my dreams. I hope."
